Our Little Angel

I remember how excited we were to tell our families that there we were having our first baby.  First we told my family and then the next weekend, Steve's.  His grandma, my grandpa and several others guessed "twins" rather than girl or boy and who knew ... they were right.  November 19th marks the 8 year anniversary of the day that I was no longer having twins.  I remember that day as if it was yesterday - everything about it from the weather to what I wore to the room when we were in when we heard the words "twin to twin transfusion".  I remember the phone calls and visits and how numb I was.  That night getting in to bed all I kept thinking about was how alone I felt, even though there was one healthy baby thriving and wanting to make her way into this world.  After Maggie was born we opted for testing and found out that the baby would have been a girl.  Randomly, Maggie calls her "Ruby" and we talk about her often.  She is our little angel and she'll be with us forever.  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her or wonder what our home would be like.  I wonder how the girls would all play, what her voice would sound like and if she'd love to sing the way Maggie does.  I know Mags wonders too and although a part of me went to heaven that November day, I think that there is a part of Maggie that will always feel as if something is missing. When something like this happens, it changes you.  I'm not sure how or in what way but it just does.  No one understands what it feels like unless they have had personal experience.  So, today, to my cousin and her precious angel baby, you are in our heart's and our thoughts. We love you very much!