Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Something to End the Year

As I sat closing everything out for the official year end, I came across a gift I had been given from one of my dear clients in Chicago.  It's an "inspirational" book that has quotes, ancient proverbs and just thoughts by many famous people.  There is a thought a day and the truth is that I've had it on my desk for nearly a year and today was the first time I opened it.  I randomly turned to a section with a quote by Oprah, "You can't live your life to please other people." I realized that this gave me all of the inspiration I needed to end my year.

I know that there are more people that don't agree, respect or understand what I do.  Some see it as selfish, some see it as greedy, some think I take vacations for a living (I WISH!).  I've spent so much time trying to justify my life to other people that it's made me question myself a million times a day ... until today.  And as much as I question myself, I struggle with balancing it all even more.  I've always said that when my job effects my family in a negative way I'd be done.  These last 2 months have been especially difficult for me.  Last night I went home and told Steve, "I'm done. I just want to be done." He looked at me and said, "Okay. If that's what you want but don't do it for us.  We are proud of you.  We miss you when you're gone but we love what you do and that you do it for us.  If you really want to quit, quit but do it for you and not us or because of what other people think.  None of that matters."  So, I was up all night thinking, "what if what I do means more to them than me just being gone."  I've never thought that before. 

So, here's my New Year's Resolution.  One day at a time.  Live every day like I won't be here tomorrow.  Take a deep breath, give myself a break and not analyze every second of every day.  Love my husband and my children a little more each day not because I have something to make up, but just because I can.  And above all else, not live my life to please everyone else.

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