Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I thought I was ready ... but I wasn't.

If you had asked me a month, week or 2 days ago if I was ready for Emma to start Pre-K today I would have responded with a "Aboslutely" or "Definitely" or even "I can't wait!". Then, 7pm last night hit and that took a drastic turn. All of a sudden it hit me. Emma isn't supposed to be going to school yet. She's supposed to be in sleepers waking up in the middle of the night for her midnight feeding. She's the baby that I layed awake listening to for hours to make sure that she wouldn't stop breathing. She's the baby that was carried around in her Baby Bjorn carrier every moment that I could keep her there. But she's not that baby anymore. She's growing up and it's happening fast. She couldn't have been more proud of herself this morning, or me of her. By 6:30 she was dressed and had the backpack on. I brought her in to the classroom and watched her head over to a table with 3 other kids - they were all stringing beads. I walked over and said "Well, Babe" and she looked up at me with her little lips puckered and waiting for a smooch. I gave her a kiss and she said "have a good day Mommy". I had to leave ... and FAST before I had another situation similar to Maggie's first day of kindergarten where I'm pretty sure that they almost called in a CPR expert. Anyway, I cried my whole way to work and even drove around for an extra 20 minutes so I could catch my breath and not look like an idiot when I walked in the door to my office. Through all of this, hours later I do realize that today isn't about me. It's about Emma. Although I'm sad to see that my baby is no longer a baby, I am thrilled to see the caring and loving person that she is becoming. She has so much ahead of her and I'm just lucky enough to call myself her Mommy.

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